Cape Karen
Every week there are reports of government screw-ups, strange behaviors, illegal scams and other jaw-drop, goings-on around the nation; and this week has been no exception. Some of the news reports this week have been so outrageous and so off-the-wall that to not blog about them would be remiss. (The way things are going, this might have to become a weekly column.)
But, gee ~ where do I even begin?
O' hell - I don't have a choice, I've gotta begin with FEMA . . .
. . . A sex-change operation, diamond bracelets, a vacation in the Dominican Republic, adult videos, visits to strip clubs and a damaged home with a graveyard address were just a few of the ways that over a billion of our tax dollars were given away by the agency responsible for managing federal emergencies.
Well, heck - I'm in need of a long-overdue vacation, I'd like a diamond bracelet, and, at age 62, I could really use a face lift. Let's all submit vouchers to FEMA, and see if we, too, can get some of those handy-dandy debit cards (that we paid for) to help with our own emergencies. (Geeeeez - if we'd only known.)
Don't wear dark glasses to a press conference on the White House lawn . . .
. . . especially if it's a cloudy day! You're apt to be singled-out and ridiculed by Mr. Bush. And, you might ask, what if you're a victim of macular degeneration, have cataracts or glaucoma; or if you have any condition that requires you to protect your sensitive eyes from glare? No . . . no . . . don't do it! Not unless you want to get a personal phone call from Dubya himself, apologizing to you. (Hey . . . wait a minute! That might just be worth doing, after all.)
If you are an admitted sex offender, and of small stature, be sure to go to Sidney, Nebraska to commit your crimes.
"Cheyenne County District Judge, Kristine Cecava, sentenced Richard W. Thompson, an admitted child molester, to ten years of supervised probation. While stating that his crimes deserved a long prison sentence, she instead gave him the lesser sentence saying, "Look at you - you're too small to survive in a state prison; I fear for what might happen to you there."
Don't hide the money you may have embezzled in your freezer. . .
. . . even just $90,000 of it, like Congressman William Jefferson (D-LA) did. If anyone can come up with a good reason for a US Congressman to have stashed all that money in his freezer, please let James Carville know. He's been waiting since May for a reasonable answer to that question. ( Perhaps he was afraid it would melt? )
Once you reach the age of 50, and have become the richest person in the world, then you can plan to take some time off and change your life focus . . .
. . . yep - just like Bill Gates, you can 'get right out there' and focus on doing some charitable work.
And, last but not least, please . . . don't lie to your friends and co-workers ~ telling them that you have stomach cancer, and collecting $37,000.00 from them; just so you can go vacationing in the Bahamas . . .
. . . even if you are unfortunate enough to live in beautiful, downtown New Bedford, MA.
(That last one was really hard to stomach; too bad she didn't know about those free-for-all debit cards . . . . )
Posted by Karen at June 16, 2006 1:19 PM