Cape Karen
I have purposely not blogged about the now-controversial book that Oprah selected for her book club: "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. I read the book last September, and I had concerns and questions about the veracity of his story - I even wrote to the Oprah Show and addressed my concerns to them recently - but, because I had no way to challenge his story on my own, I remained silent, here. However, now that there is such public controversy over Frey's memoir, thanks to The Smoking Gun and their challenges to him, I feel compelled to blog about my 'take' on the whole matter, before he and his publishers air today on The Oprah Show.
I come from the womb of an alcoholic mother. I never knew her sober. My father was an alcoholic, as became my older sister, and as was almost every adult I knew growing up. Because of this history, I carefully chose a non-drinker to marry. However, within three months of marriage, I realized I had inadvertantly married an alcoholic. (He began drinking when he entered the Navy the year we got married, and quickly spiraled right into the disease. O' joy. We divorced 21 years later and he has since died. Long story.)
Therefore, I would say that because of my own lifelong experiences with those afflicted with alcoholism, and my many years of Al-Anon attendance, I have earned my own honorary Doctorate degree in addiction. (I did earn a real B. A. degree in Human Behavior, but my 'doctorate' would have to be in the field of addictions.)
Therefore, when I read Frey's book, I was immediately suspicious about the truth behind some of his storylines. He claims to have left a treatment center and 'white-knuckled' his way into thirteen years of sobriety, using only will power and determination. No namby-pamby support groups for him. Nope. He's tough, he's determined, he's Superman ~ and he's sober. But, James, I hate to tell you this, honey ~ there's more to "recovery" than just staying sober.
Let's face it, there are lots of psychologically ill people running around sober today. For addicts, giving up their drug of choice - whether it is nicotine, alcohol, cocaine, coca-cola, potato chips, or whatever. . . that is just the first step onto a healthy life-path; for sure it's the most important step to take - but, there are still many more steps along the way that an addictive personality-type needs to take in order to become their best and healthiest self.
Learning how to be scrupulously honest would have been a good second step for Mr. Frey.
James may be sober, but he is still an ego-driven, pathological personality, and therefore, he is still prone to embellish and exaggerate the truth for absolutely no good reason whatsoever. It isn't because he's a writer that he weaves fiction into a "memoir," (as he claims all memoir writer's have done) and it isn't because he was in a blackout most of his life, and had to make some stuff up because he 'forgot,' either; it's because he has never addressed his habitual, pathological lying problem. If you have ever known a pathological liar, you'll know what I mean. It's just mind-boggling to try and have a relationship with such a person. The lies they tell are so ridiculous, so big and so obvious, that you are left scratching your head and wondering if you aren't the one going crazy. (Yes, I dated one once, and it was utterly, bafflingly amazing; I really should write my memoirs ~ but, trust me, no one would ever believe my life story.)
I am looking forward to listening again, (I watched the Larry King interview) to what James has to say about his embellishments and his taking some 'literary license' with his memoir. And, damn ~ I liked the guy! (he's what I'm most familiar with. . . I've always loved alcoholics; those who are sober and working a program, or getting professional help to grow and become better people. . . but I know better than to always believe what they say if they are not working on their problem.) So, I'm really hoping, that in this interview on Oprah's show today, he'll step off the monotonous treadmill of saying, over and over again, "I'm an alcoholic and drug addict, and I stand by the 'essence' of my story " (ho-hum ~ yawn) and that he'll be courageous enough to admit that he bold-faced lied.
It would be so exciting and refreshing if he would just say something like:
"I exaggerated and embellished my story, and YES, I even LIED. Why? Because I am one sick, ego-driven, thirteen-year sober, white-knuckled mutha-f- - -a, who can no longer distinquish the truth from a lie. "
But ~ that would be asking for a truth that could set him free. . . and, let's be honest; all this 'hoop-la-la' and publicity is helping him sell more books.
But, go on James ~ I'll be listening . . . .
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Well, I listened, and it was downright embarrassing how hard it was for James to answer a direct question with a direct answer. He just couldn't seem to do it. "Ummmm, errrr, but, yah-but. . ." And an angry Oprah was magnificent at attempting to pry some direct honesty out of him - sadly, without much success. I truly do hope that he will seek professional help for his problem with telling the truth, following this public humiliation - but, I seriously doubt he will.
Remember this one? "I-did-not-have-sexual-intercourse-with-that-woman." Well, I guess that was partly true - but, he left out the whole truth, didn't he? It's the same thing. . . .selective memory and word games = lies! And, that half-truth came from the adult child of an alcoholic. (I also find it quite interesting that our current President is also a 'dry drunk' ~ defined as, "one who stopped drinking when it became a problem ~ but never entered into counseling or a treatment program." See his white knuckles . . . hear his yah-but's. )
Yup. I think we are all getting really tired of being bombarded with untruthes everyday; ethics are out of style, and dishonesty is lurking everywhere. One has to be so discriminating and cautious as to how much of what is read and heard is actually to be believed. These days, determining what is true and what is not is like trying to catch speeding bullets ~ without getting shot.
But, there are some clues: when you hear "ummm's, errrr's and yah-but's," and observe things like stammering and stumbling over words; and if he or she becomes overly-defensive and self-excusatory when their actions are called into question, then quick ~ cover your ears ~ you're probably listening to some bold-face lies. (You can practice doing this next Tuesday night on all the primetime television stations.)
As far as ferreting the truth out of the written word ~ well, I guess we'll just have to go to The Smoking Gun folks and have them do some research.